You Can't Shave in a Minimart Bathroom

SUNY Geneseo was a great experience!

I was part of a 5-person panel. Each of us had a part to share, including being an ally. We covered the entire spectrum.

Of course, I left my notes in the car, so I spoke off the cuff for about 15 minutes or so. I’m sure I went over my time limit, but no one asked me to stop.

When we were done, we had a standing ovation.  I never had that before.  Afterward, my girlfriend Sue came up, hugged me and said that this is what I am meant to do.

This is what I talked about...

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I started off by introducing myself and said how I am an Earth science teacher, a parent and then said, "This is just between us, right? Not going to tell anyone?"

Had a few head nods & giggles.

"Believe it or not," I whispered conspiratorially. "I am actually transgendered! It’s true! I realize that its hard to tell..."

I asked for a show of hands on how many people read me within the first minute, and the majority of them did. I shared that the average read-time is about 1.74 seconds +/- 0.03.

"I'm a scientist! I believe in precision & accuracy!" Had a few more giggles when i said that.

I next asked how many people read that I am very comfortable in my own skin. Every hand went up.

 "It wasn't always that way.  Let me tell you a little about how this adventure started."

After a few minutes about how I got from there to here, I asked, "Have you ever wondered why we transition?"

Pregnant pause - looking expectantly at the audience.  Someone finally shouted out Yes!  I thanked him so I could go on with my talk.

I started off asking how many people smile at their reflection on a regular basis? A good number of hands went up, though not all.

“It took me 45 years before I smiled at my reflection. Let me tell you about it…”

My perspective is that we are trying to bring harmony to body and soul - something that most people are born with but we who are transgender are not.  We know at a very early age that the mirror isn't telling us the full story.  This discord rips us apart until we reach a point where we must transition, regardless of the cost in friendships, careers, family, etc.  We are on what Sun Tzu would describe as Desperate Ground.  Desperate Ground is where you have two options, succeed, or perish in the attempt.

I have been fortunate that my district supports me.  I have found a new church that has embraced me with open arms.  most importantly, I have two kids who accept their trans-dad.

Throughout the night, there was humor and laughter mixed with some audience participation.  There were times when you could have heard a pin drop in the auditorium.

I ended by saying that I was accused of choosing to live as a woman.

“No, I didn’t choose to live as a woman. I wouldn’t wish being transgendered on my worst enemy. Even though this is a great gift, I still wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

“I didn’t choose to live as a woman, but I did make a choice.

“I chose not to live in fear.

“I chose not to live in self hatred and self loathing.

“I did make a choice.

“I chose life over death, and that has made all the difference.”